Boys will be...gross?

Sometimes I am fully responsible for my kids' misbehavior.  I am often the corrupting factor in their lives.  For example, yesterday we were watching a CNN piece where volunteers smoked weed and then drove cars on a controlled course to determine their level of impairment.  We watched (on CNN, mind you) these volunteers smoke a bowl, and then drive at up to 10x the legal limit of intoxication.  Both the supervising police officer and the driving instructor said that they were driving alright, and that they didn't feel the need to pull them off the road.
My kids' takeaway:  "Look at how much FUN they're having.!!"

Yes, kids, weed is fun.

That is not where I expected that news piece to go.  I was expecting the people to die in fiery wrecks with the message written in bloody letters across the screen:  "DRUGS ARE BAD."

Oh, well.  Parenting fail # 3,000,456.

But this morning, M  took bad parenting to a more, um, intrusive level.

We were watching Beverly Hills Chihuahua.  Please don't ask why.  I think it's because we started watching Phineas and Ferb and there were chinchillas and chihuahua sounds like chinchilla and...oh, god I don't know.

During the course of the 3 1/2 minutes that Disney showed the movie without commercial interruption, S asked how "they" make the dogs talk.

I said they used digital manipulation.
M said he didn't know about nowadays, but to make Mr. Ed talk, they put a carrot in his butt.

1.  This is not true.  Everybody knows "they" used peanut butter.
2.  WHY would you tell kids that there were people who went around shoving root vegetables up horses' asses?

We googled it.  Of course, we came back with the peanut butter story.  But the kids got the carrot thing in their heads, as kids are inclined to do.

Those little nitwits spent the next half hour running around trying to violate me.

Eventually, I was sitting on the stool in the kitchen when E came by and jammed his finger in my crack.

"What the hell?  What are you doing?  Why are you doing that?  Leave me alone!"

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAD, it totally works!  We made mom talk!

I totally should have been wishing for girls.