Super News Controlling Woman

Ok. There is a lot to process here. First of all, let me make it clear that I had no idea I wielded such power. I mean, nowhere in the comic book universe is a hero with the power to shape the news simply by looking through it. Second of all, for those who have expressed concern, I wish no ill-will on anybody I know. There are no voodoo dolls or such. Third, I am left wondering what to do next. I told MT that I want to find headlines of calorie-free cookies or perhaps an instant, free, healthy, painless weight loss program.
All that being said, last night I was left grappling with a paradox few mere mortals can understand. All at once I was powerful, coordinating fearsome pigeons into a hapless mega-ton aircraft. And yet, I was rendered completely lame by an overpriced veal roast for dinner. The roast, all $78 whopping dollars of it, was to be used in a Gourmet Magazine Veal Cacciatore so delicious that the recipe writers promised I would be sneaking tastes of it en route to the table. While the broth and sauce were indeed delicious, the meat itself was more like the world's most expensive brisket. And bland. Did I mention bland? If meat could be described as "corky" as in resembling cork in taste and texture, than this is that. I was so disappointed. More than an hour of work, shopping for all the ingredients, only to be failed by the most expensive link in the chain. Devastating. Not to mention that this provides fodder for M's files of failed, overly-ambitious, overly-expensive dinners. A file which includes the "well-done $100 prime rib of beef for 8 incident of 2007."
Finally, in a smaller, but nonetheless discouraging blow to my comic-book quality power, I found that only one of the bottles of tonic water I grabbed from the shelf at the market was diet. Which means that I ingested a ridiculous and unplanned for number of calories by finishing off that liter bottle. I KNEW those tasted better...damn full calorie quinine. I wanted the full fight against Malaria with none of the calories!
So, if you were envious of my plane-crash causing powers (also, the bird element really made this sort of a natural disaster, too) be comforted to know that I am (alas) not omnipotent. My Achilles' Heels of failed dinners and overly caloric beverages are the same pitfalls all humans suffer. Tonight's dinner is back to basics: burgers or spaghetti perhaps. And I promise to use my headline scouring powers for only good, not evil.