I've been thinking a lot about friendship lately. I have more people to call friends now than I ever have before. Even the smattering of friends I used to see and do things with regularly are still friends now, thanks to Facebook. I still get to see their lives, their kids, their pets, and visit with them. Even if it's only in short paragraph form.
And here in Mobile, thanks in part to my kids and M's work, I have a gaggle of friends. And such variety, and I love that. I've never been popular or had a crowd, but I certainly have a gaggle now! We do all sorts of fun stuff, too--we walk, we lunch, we work out (only if CiCi REAALLY wants to test me), we volunteer at the school, we have sleepovers, drinks, manicures, spa days (only when I get CiCi to STOP working out), and I really am lucky.
I've got friends from here (unlikely, but true), friends from up north, friends from elsewhere in Alabama. M's work friends are more serious, and I try to be more formal with them (they may or may not be responsible for tenure, and since I never know who may be and who may not be, I try to behave.) Funny friends, friends who only laugh politely, girly friends, and no-nonsense friends. If I were EVER to feel like calling some one, I have a long list where I could start.
I like the way some friends kind of fall away for a while, but can pick up again like I saw them yesterday. Yesterday, I walked with MK for an hour and though I haven't visited with her in nearly a year, and as it turns out, her calm and measured personality (and very brisk walking tempo!) really brought some sense to my world.
Thankfully, I don't really have to pretend to be nice to people anymore. My kids have their own friends, so I don't need to befriend women for their kids. My peops like/tolerate me as I am. Crazy as hell, but loyal and honest. Not the worst combination.
I think about my kids and how sometimes, they'll tell me about their friend Blahblah. Who's Blahblah I ask them. My friend from camp on the cruise we took two years ago. Friend? A four day friend? But that kids use the word so freely, "Will you be my friend?" is kind of fantastic. Their fickleness, despite the pettiness, is kind of amazing, too: "He's not my friend anymore because he thinks Mario is for babies." And how they compartmentalize everyone, "my friend from preschool doesn't know my friend from art." And how anyone can be a friend, "is it ok if we play with the kid of that guy who's at the neighbor's fixing a fence?"
Boys don't have friends for connections, popular or not, if the kid is nice and likes whatever my kids like at the moment, he's golden. S had a friend over on the weekend, and it was sweet. "Do you like this Lego ship I built?" "Yah, I like the windshield," "Yah, I thought you'd like that." It was so straightforward and fun, and what friends should be. Is it because the stakes are lower? What are the stakes of grown up friendships? Why do they matter more to some people than others? Why are some friendships like great jeans, all broken in and comfy, from the get go? Why do some never evolve past the itchy and stiff stage?
I miss some friends from far away and long ago, WB comes to mind immediately. Long after our spouses went to bed, we'd stay up and drink and talk about anything, (mainly our spouses). He's really my best man friend. I miss some friends nearby and recently. It's like repellent force fields invisibly sprung up around us, and we can no longer connect. I'm confident the situation is temporary, but nonetheless, it's sad. Facebook has helped me (strangely) get to know people I should have been better friends with when we lived near one another, (Arkansas, I'm lookin' at you). I missed her, and thus some of the potential of our kindred spirits.
Rambling. Rambling. It's early, in the day, but late in the essay, and I still have no thesis statement. Perhaps: Y'all know who you are. I love seeing those of you I do nearly every day. I miss those of you I don't, and before the total insanity of the holidays starts (November 1, traditionally), we all need to take a day to reconnect, ok?
No comments:
Post a Comment