Mental Health Tip #12

Keep two to three neatly stacked piles of clean laundry on a bench or chair in the front hall.
...I find this helps eliminate several pesky situations at the same time.  What a great tip, am I right?  Here's how:  Take one to three shirts of similar size (and color, if you are particular about the color scheme in your front hall)  from any of your husband's or kids' drawers.  If you wish, you may use hand me downs or recently out-grown shirts.  Add one pair of pants or socks a stack.  You want the stacks to appear natural.  Place these stacks on a bench, chair or tabletop.  If you have limited space in your entry hall, a stool with a single, shorter stack of laundry near your front door will do.  Fold into one of the stacks a fresh dryer sheet to lend the aroma of freshly cleaned clothes.  If you are sensitive to smells, feel free to omit this step.  Next, when a friend, neighbor, relative, UPS delivery person, Jehovah's Witness, FedEx, Girl Scout, Boy Scout, USPS guy, random solicitor, serial rapist ring the doorbell, open the door briskly.  If you have clear glass doors as I do, you may want to make an "ah, yes, you" nod to the laundry as you walk by it briskly.  Briskly is the key.  If you slouch or drag by the pile of laundry, this tip won't work.  When you open the door, make sure your acknowledge the piles to your guest/attacker with a nod.  You may wish, depending on situation to even make casual mention of the piles to the guest.  Don't elaborate extensively, the goal here is to ensure the guest/attacker doesn't think the pile is permanent, just an afterthought:  "Oh, hi." Then insert one of these brief phrases.  The phrases are easy to remember and so useful, they're worth the effort.  Here they are:

1.  "...Oh, hi!  I was just loading up the car on my way to Goodwill"
BENEFIT:  You are looking organized, benevolent and kind.  Other people don't judge organized, benevolent people harshly.  People will eventually forget that they've NEVER seen you at Goodwill.  If you're lucky, the guest will feel slightly guilty about his/her lack of recent charity and judge you less harshly.  Nobody wants to admit the charitable woman in the office is the total wack-o.
DOWN SIDE:  Moral self righteousness doesn't work well with Scouts (Boy and Girl) or Jehovah's Witnesses.
WORKS BEST WITH:  Friends, Enemies (whether sworn or she doesn't know it yet), mothers-in-law, mothers, neighbors, anyone who might tend to judge you too harshly  +Bonus Added benefit--you can actually put those clothes in the car and be charitable.

2.  "Oh, hi!  I was just putting away laundry"
BENEFIT:  You are looking busy.  Everyone thinks "C-R-A-Z-Y" when they think of some one lounging around the house in satin daywear, daydrinking a mimosa at 10:30 on a Wednesday.  And if not CRAZY, then at least drunk.  But, satin daywear or otherwise, a mom putting away laundry is doing something.  She's obviously been doing something else, too, because she's just getting to the laundry.  Which you were doing, obviously, you were lounging around the house in satin daywear, drinking a mimosa at 10:30 on a Wednesday.  But brisk walking and a manageable pile of laundry indicate you're on top of it.  Normal people are ON TOP of things.
+BONUS BENEFIT #1:  You have concealed your OCD.  OCD would never leave piles of laundry laying about--especially in the front hall.  OCD never lets her crazy sit out in the front hall!  Now, your neatly arranged stacks are paying double benefits.  You are not crazy in 2 different ways!  Sane all around!
+BONUS BENEFIT #2:  Your social anxiety has an instant exit plan.  Say it's not the UPS man dropping off workout wear from Athleta that will NEVER see the inside of a yoga studio.  Say it's a chatty neighbor, a relative, or some one you really just can't manage to a) sober up for b) overcome your paralyzing fear of c) look at without considering suicide/homicide--then all you need to do is casually reference your stack of laundry and say, "Well, listen.  Great talking to you.  Gotta get back to my laundry."  Voila!  Guest disappears.

You're welcome!  Here's a useful link to get you started:  http://www.flipfold.com/  Be sure to keep reading for more Mental Health Tips!  Shortcuts to looking sane!