Guilty Pleasures

Another reason I'm glad not to be in SoCal anymore. Phew!

So, I am reading crime thrillers right now. I love crime thrillers, always have. Usually, I have no time for such indulgences and stick to crossword puzzles that I can do or ditch in 5 minutes. On my vacation, though, I read 4 books. Four! That's unheard of. Four novels by two authors. Let me say that of course, I expect these novels to be formulaic at best, predictable at worst. But last night, I stayed up waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay past my bed time to finish a fifth novel. As I groped around this morning seeking coffee, I wondered why.

"Eeeeeeew. Gruesome murder. I hope it's not the first of a serial."
"Eeeeeeeeeeew. Three more. Yup. It's a serial."
"Strange forensic clue. I hope our heroine can ID it."
"Of course she can, and just happens to know 14 people in the FBI to help her."
"Now she's back with her ex husband. I bet her partner is interested in her."
"Ah, yes. The piercing blue eyes of her partner."
"She's leaving the lab after midnight. She just got a hang up on her phone. Stupid."
"Mysterious lurker whacked her on the head."
"I bet he's got a gun."
"Bang. He missed. I bet he's going to find some weird way to try to kill our heroine."
"Oh, garroting. Unusual."
"I bet she gets free and runs."
"Run, Tempie, Run."
"I bet she gets cornered."
"Lost in the woods and her flashlight burned out."
"Where is ol' blue eyes?"
"There he is, firing away. Saved by ol' blue eyes."

Why do I even read these things? I am now actively rooting for the bad guys to kill of my heroine. She NEVER follows protocol, she doesn't have a gun, and she's always out at night. What is WRONG with this woman? She's not a hero, she's a freaking moron.
I'm taking a break and going back to crosswords. I can handle puns for a few days. Don't worry, though. It won't come down to reading literary fiction or anything awful like that.