Wake Up Calls

So, according to all statistics and probabilities, smoke detectors should have only a fifty-fifty chance of chirping at night. And yet....this morning at 4:28, I was roused out of a horrible nightmare by the freaking smoke detector. Chirp.....did I dream that? Must have. Snooze. Chirp! Grr.
So, I roll over and tap M. "Smoke detector's chirping..." Snooze.
Clatter. Chair being dragged around. Cursing. No chirp. Excellent. Snooze.
M: "Why didn't you take it down?"
Me: Huh? I don't know. Too dopey? Too short?
M: Whatever. Grrr.
As far as I am concerned, anything that happens in the creepy, dark, lonely hours of the night is a man's territory. I stay in bed and a.) cower in fear b.) go back to sleep c.) get ready to call police/fire department in case of invasion/accident.
Apparently, sound asleep M had a different idea.
So, this morning, I woke up angry at M anyway, but for a different reason. I had an anxiety nightmare about E starting Kindergarten. I didn't know how to dress him, where to drop him/pick him up, apparently he was starting in the middle of the year and none of the teachers knew me or him, and oh, yeah, the teacher looked like Frankenstein. Dream me was lost in the carpool line and couldn't find Dream E. Dream M was flirting with some blond mom who knew the ins and outs of the system. She and Dream M went and picked up Dream E and drove him home. I got lost on a shuttle bus and then walked 12 miles home barefoot.
I gotta quit eating Japanese food. Gives me strange dreams.
I have a Dr. appointment today. Do you think that science has invented a magical weight loss pill that works instantly since the last time I went? Pfizer thinks the money is in Viagra, but I'm telling you. Instant slimification is where the future lies.