New Year's Resolutions

So long, 2008! In with the new year and that annoying 3 months when I write the wrong dates on checks. Again, I'll mention the strangeness of time: in some ways, January was ages ago: S was starting a new school, E was a little preschooler and Mobile was still so very new to us. On the other hand, the kids' first Mardi Gras parade seems like just yesterday. As I look to the year ahead, there are already vacations on the books, our tenth wedding anniversary, grade school for E..it's overwhelming, as it is every January for me. Obviously, every day is a bit overwhelming for me. Three hundred and sixty five is just plain daunting. But, we are starting off on the right foot. I have made some amazing friends this year, and I am so grateful for them. MT and MK are the little people sitting on my shoulders whispering funnies, advice, and their own wisdom into my ears. I am a better person for them both. I have tried to let go a little this year. Tried to be the "fun" mom. While that hasn't exactly panned out, I am going to keep at it. M and I had another healthy year together, which is something that can't be underrated. He is still my best friend, and partner in parenting crimes.
I took S to his final Mommy and Me music class this year--another bittersweet moment. it is just another example of how my children are growing and separating from me. While certainly I would be certifiable to say I wish I could keep them little forever, I am ambivalent about watching them become little men. Their constant growth also compels me to reexamine my own life and what I want to make of it, now that my children are not dependent on me for everything. I wonder what I will be doing with my time, and how I will reinvest some energy in myself. Will I actually succeed at a diet? Will I expand my love for photos into something more? Will I stay at home and clean out closets every day? Will I become one of those scary women who dress their dogs and treat them like babies? Further self-examination is required.
As always, I stand on the precipice of the new year with idealistic hopes of spotless home, and sane mind. I envision myself as the perfect wife/daughter/mother/friend/room mom/chef/housekeeper/everything. I picture my family in a Norman Rockwell image: smiling, neatly dressed, together serenely on a couch, playing with our perfectly trained puppy. I dream of everything being happy, and readily achievable, and successful. And, as always I look behind me at a year of nearly-was. I am overly critical of my shortcomings, and dwell on my failures both big and small.
Perhaps wanting the perfection is a reasonable enough resolution.