Live Long and Prosper?

I had to go to the Dr. to get the girlie bits checked out today. Ugh. Worst. Exams. EVER. But, I survived. I also had ample time to check out all the women who came through the waiting room. There were the super skinny, perfectly coifed Spring Hill Moms. There were some former SHM's turned grannies. There were some women clearly having a harder time of it: raggedy clothes, and damaged teeth. There was a woman in front of me who said she couldn't fill out the registration form--could she not read or write? Had a muscle condition? She was having a rough day, regardless, when they told her she wasn't on the books for today, she began to cry. And I felt fortunate.
And I was trying hard not to touch anything. And reading the brochure on the physician's OTHER partnership--a weight loss clinic. That's gotta be a lucrative market. Then, I was reading Prevention (while trying not to touch it), or some other magazine sitting on the faux Louis XV coffee table, and I was reading about health and humor and longevity and blah blah.
First, I started to wonder if decorator for the doctor's office just Googled "women art" and hung posters of everything that turned up. Then, I wondered if a positive attitude really does affect your health. Then, humor: "laughter heals" the magazine says. A good attitude and sense of humor help you age, cope with disease, and to some extent improve your health. That's great, I think. I'm funny. I should live to be 90!
Then, I realize, that my humor is not positive. It's really a way of living with everything negative and ugly and dumb in the world around me (and in myself, of course). My humor might really be a symptom of a very crappy life outlook. Well, that's not good.
So, I thought about my morning. And how I was a little bit foul with my friend, MT. I made fun of the clerk at the fitness center who was trying to explain her billing policy with bank transfer. First off, there was no way I was going to give this mental giant my bank information. Second, her nose hair was very distracting. Third, she did this REALLY ANNOYING thing that people do: she pointed to a brochure and read it aloud to me. People do this with Powerpoint, displays, presentations, seminars, and informational sessions all the time. I CAN READ. Tell me something that is not on the freaking sheet/screen. She blathered on and on and ON about when I would have to transfer the money for my monthly bill to be paid on time. The sign reads: Transfer on the 25th of each month for bill to be paid by the 5th of the next month's deadline.
Self Explanatory?
NO. Agony ensues. She proceeds to explain thus, "So, let's say on the 25th of August, you needed to pay your monthly dues. So you would have to transfer the money on that day, for it to be paid by..."
Let me guess--the 5th of September? By the time she finished explaining her bank transfer brochure (which was ONE PAGE), MT's three year old looked as bored as I felt. "So," I interrupt. "Do you take credit card?"
Just stop talking.
She asks if we want a tour of the facility (which is one, big, round room.) We promise not to touch and to check it out on our own. At which time, she points to every compass point of the room and tells us what's there. Thanks.
In the end, I decided not to join, not just because of the permanently befuddled front desk nose hair, but because I'd feel guilty paying to use a cardio room when I have a treadmill and the weather's cooling off, and because I'd only go to one class per week.
Long story, short. I was laughing at this woman, which is humor. But being mean, which is NOT a positive outlook. So am I gonna enjoy great health and longevity or not?
Dammit. I'd like to know so I can plan for imminent death. Or make a hair appointment.