Keep On Rockin' Me

I don't know when it happened, but sometime along the way, I got old. I mean REALLY old. As OLD as my mom was when I was a kid. I know I've talked about this before, but it was a vivid experience this time.
Yesterday, as I was drinking water (only OLD people drink water on purpose. "It's good for you.") in my family vehicle, wearing something that can only be described as borderline mom jeans and a tunic style shirt to cover my slightly overweight midsection, I found my toe tapping to the EASY LISTENING STATION on the radio.
Just shoot me. Clearly, my life is over. Nothing good happens to you once you start listening and (enjoying!?!) easy listening. Nobody has ever had rockin' sex to easy listening, nobody has ever written a fantastic novel while listening to James Taylor, nobody has EVER accomplished ANYTHING while easy listening music was on the radio--except maybe a nap.
Easy listening exists, as I see it, for two reasons and two reasons only: to have music to play in nursing homes and dentist offices that offends nobody; and two, to keep people from panicking in elevators. Except for maybe the music of the Carpenters--their music is still played to remind us to eat a sandwich every now and then.
(Too soon?) I can't even be funny ABOUT easy listening.
So, there I was. At a stoplight. With my mom 'do. My mom outfit. Not rockin' my mom mojo. Listening to schlock music. With my new mom manicure. Holy crap. Where did the reality of my life skid off the road of my perception? Why am I no longer 26? Why am I no longer listening to edgy, "cool," "obscure" bands? Why does the volume in my mom-mobile not go up to "vibrate?"
What the hell happened to my hip? By this, I mean my hip-ness, not my actual hip which is fine, because I'm in my 30s, not my 70s, thank you very much. Yet.
Next week, I'll be watching 60 minutes. And carrying my purse around the house for safe keeping. And saying things like, "when I was your age, we had to walk to school. Uphill. In the snow. Both ways."
Crap. I'm feeling old and creaky this morning. Maybe I should get some Metamucil. Might make me feel better.