Mom Plays Video Game (in related news, Mom sucks at video game)

So, E celebrated his birthday in high fashion yesterday. We rocked the Exploreum, tore through presents and dessert, and feasted like kings.
My mom and aunt bought E a Wii, finally bringing my older child into the technology of these 21st century kids. Until now, my children were living in the dark ages of analog toys and games. Our only forays into the digital realm were DVDs and the completely endearing games of the Leapster. The Wii is hard core. This little hub of digital information represents a giant leap in video entertainment at our house.
When I was a child, back in the day of the Apple IIc, and the 5 1/4 inch floppy disc, we had 2 video game systems. And we had about two games for each system. First, we had Intellivision, because my parents (probably thinking like I do now) figured, "hey, they put Intelligent into the name of the product--it must have some educational value." My favorite game on this system was an asteroid-shooting game whose name escapes me. The rinky-dink, highly pixellated little shooter raced horizontally across the screen to fire at different sized asteroids. If it failed, an unimpressive explosion filled the screen. In retrospect, this game rivals only pong in its visual and skill simplicity, although I suspect even then we had an inkling of how lame it was. We also had a Nintendo game with Mario Brothers. That game was light years ahead of the Intellivision, though still very rectangular and linear in play style. Everyone in my generation had that game and system. Later, we had a baseball game of some kind for that system, and my Brett Saberhagen square-body could pitch this crazy, giant baseball that no square-body hitter could come near. In fact, in real life, some pitchers in the major leagues have pitches with so much action on them they're known as Nintendo pitches.
Regardless, video games were never intuitive for me, and despite years of attempts, I don't think I ever passed level 3 of Mario Brothers. I was a video game failure.
Anyhow, M set up the Wii yesterday before the party, so that when the kids came home, they did not have to wait impatiently for battery installation or cable sorting. Everything would be practically plug and play.
We got the kids Lego-themed video games, as they seem age-appropriate and less violent than other games. When Lego Obi-Wan Kenobi wields his light saber, bad guys simply break up into little Lego bricks. It's kind of cute, really.
So, after the kids got frustrated with their inability to INSTANTLY master the game, M and I gave it a go. (We were just 'showing them how,' we weren't monopolizing the unit or anything.)
As it turns out, I am still a video game failure.
E kept screaming at me to assemble broken Lego bricks into tools or weapons or droids or something. Per the directions, I held the Wii nunchuk and stick in my hands, and moved my arms in a running motion.
However.
Instead of assembling the bricks into something useful, the running motion sent my Obi Wan on a murderous rampage. I killed hapless plants, bad guy droids, M's QuiGon Jin, and friendly JarJar Binks alike. My Obi Wan also managed to do this fierce jump and stab thing that struck terror into the hearts of my "allies."
I laughed so hard I had to sit down. E is yelling at me to assemble bricks using the Force, M is yelling at me to stop trying to kill his guy, and the game is ranking me as an unimpressive 2% Jedi. I kept falling off of bridges, running into walls, getting left behind, murdering my allies, and dismembering C3P0. Poor little Lego c3P0, one-legged and no-armed hopped behind me loyally, dreading in his little Lego brain the next time I lost control of my nunchuk and turned around to chop at him.
The best part about this game is that it is geared for children, so that no matter how painfully bad I am at it, my character never actually dies to end the game. He simply loses points. M finished the level with an impressive 22,732 points. I had 20. Seriously. 20.
Of course, now with the Wii, I am sure there will be arguments over whose turn, how long, when, and why the kids get to play. I am also sure that no one, EVER, is going to want me to be on his team.
I think my total ineptness has made it pretty clear that Wii Fit would be a physical and technological failure of epic proportions. I mean combining my physical prowess and my video game mad skills is a recipe for disaster. The treadmill is probably as advanced as I want to get when it comes to exercise.
Any one want to come practice Lego Indiana Jones today while the kids are in school? Otherwise, I will probably be whipping everyone to death the next time I show the kids "how to play it."