'Tis the season to be buried under a deluge of catalogs each day at the mailbox. All I can think about when I open the box is, !!The beautiful forests!!
But, of course, I go inside and pore over the "magazines" with the greatest attention. I thought I'd save you the trouble and identify some of this season's sure-to-be-best sellers, as well as let a few close friends get a glimpse of what they might expect to receive from me this holiday season.
From Wireless:
"The Complete Writer's Kit" Step by step directions, inspiration and advice. Contains a guideline to be published in Six Months or Less (caps theirs) and a 52 card deck for fighting writers block.
As I am married to a writer, and became friends with many writers during his six years of training to hone his writing skills, I thought this would be a hoot to send to him and all his writers friends who are supremely talented and struggling to get their voices heard during this time of economic downturn and vampire fetishism.
From Fresh Finds:
I am torn between the Snuggie and the Slanket. "The Slanket combines the warmth of a plush and cozy blanet and the comfort of your favorite robe. Eat read write...all without the Slanket slipping off!" The Snuggie, on the other hand, "is the best way to relax without feeling restricted...it boasts over sized sleeves that leaves hands free to use a laptop, talk on the phone, read...even enjoy a snack. One size fits most." Most? What gargantuan hippo cannot fit into a Snuggie?
And if I ever want to know why one size only fits most, I have only to look through the rest of the catalogue: specially designed pans create edible bowls (from the Cookie Monster school of etiquette), Hershey's s'more maker (when the fireplace and/or microwave won't do the job), automatic cookie press, edible dessert bowls, devilled egg transporter, 101 Things to do with a Tortilla cookbook, dumpling mold and recipe book, microwave bacon cooker, scone maker, 32 ounce cereal bowls (I wish I were kidding), a bagel guillotine (sadistic French), and a cereal server that promises to serve cereal faster (than the open the box and pour into 32 ounce bowl technique that I've been using all these years?). Indeed, a veritable cornucopia of useless things that will make us fat (ter).
Of course, I got my Heifer International catalogue. This, couple with the World Wildlife Fund catalogue make me feel even guiltier for browsing through the crapalogues. I can adopt a goat in sub-Saharan Africa in your name that will provide milk and income for a small village....or I can get your dog a Slanket. Hmmm. The thing is, goats are a bitch to wrap.
From the luxury end markets, I got a Tiffany's holiday catalog. This year's Tiffany's gifts seem remarkably fiscally responsible. Even Tiffany's is subject to the economic whims of the time: the most expensive item I could find in it this year was a $23,000 watch. Although, I concede this is a pricey timepiece considering the band is leather.
Grandinroad offers holiday decorations with "decorator looks." You can get thematically unified fake trees. This year, bright pink trees with turquoise balls seem very popular. SO natural. $15 will get you gift wrap for a bottle of wine. I especially like the half-trees for sale: faux trees are cut in half vertically and save space, while remaining the room's centerpiece. Ah, nothing says Christmas like half a fake tree. For $59 more, you can buy a bag to store it in.
From Solutions: a clever way to wrap money gifts. (Apparently, stuffing cash in a card was to easy) A kit for $7.95 includes 2 buttons, a fake 2 dollar bill, and instructions for folding a bill into the shape of a shirt. Go ahead and give the person the extra $7.95 shoved in the card. For dog lovers, there is a board game for dogs: "Funagle is the interactive game that asks the question, 'what can you get your dog to do?'" Unless the answer is, "my laundry," then I am not interested in what my dog can do.
Don't get me wrong. I WILL be doing my holiday shopping online. I WILL probably buy something from one of these catalogues.
BEWARE.
