This is your brain at school

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: kids are dumb.

This time, though, I mean it academically. My kids are home AGAIN for ANOTHER week of holiday. Because...it's....??? Friday, they got to stay home because of the threat of "wintry weather." I love this descriptor. Being February, wintry weather should be expected, no? It did snow on Friday. A little. It didn't stick, or freeze on the ground, or even really accumulate on anything at all. By all rights, the kids would have already been in their classrooms, snug and warm, by the time the snow arrived. The skies would have cleared by the time carpool started. Excessive risk--parents driving under wet conditions, children requiring jackets for the temperature--really was not a factor at all. Why not leave school open, and make it a parental decision whether to send the child? Why pre-emptively close schools at the mere suggestion of snow? (Hilariously, and to the note of science education in this country, the forecast was as follows: HI of 41, LO of 36 with snow.) This is, by the way, the second weather day that the school has called for this year. The first was the weekend before Thanksgiving Break. Yup, coincidentally, school weather cancellations have lengthened scheduled holidays twice this year.

Which brings me to this week's holiday: Presidents' Day (Monday) Mardi Gras (Tuesday)...the rest of the week--gravy! Why oh why do the kids need an entire week off in the middle of February? Ski week? Let's go trekking off to the Alps, shall we?

I counted the full school days during the 2009-10 school year. Keep in mind that E goes to private school, so I am really getting jobbed on value. I always feel like I shouldbe getting more bang for my buck. Using some research skills I learned in school, I came up with the following numbers illustrating school year lengths around the world:
Nation/School Year in Days

1. Japan 243
2. South Korea 220
3. Israel 216
4. Luxembourg 216
5. Netherlands 200
6. Scotland 200
7. Thailand 200
8. Hong Kong 195
9. England 192
10. Hungary 192
11. Swaziland 191
12. Finland 190
13. New Zealand 190
14. Nigeria 190
15. France 185
16. United States 180
17. Our School 174

(MSN, Speech by President Obama)

Now, using some mad math skills I learned in school, let me synthesize this information for you:

• Our school year is 6 days fewer in school than the national public schools'
• My kid spends 16 fewer days in school than the average kid in Nigeria, a country which: the majority of the population lives off $1.25 per day, has a life expectancy of 47 years, and 68% of the population is literate

How many kids in American schools can find any of these countries on a map? I, for one, had a tough time with Swaziland. Turns out, my beloved penguins from Madagascar might have landed there during Madagascar 2, Escape to Africa. If you need help, I posted a map.

Even better, how many kids can spell Luxembourg? According to this same speech, 33% of 13 year old kids here can't read at grade level.

View Larger Map

In a related note, ETS, those nasty people who administer the SAT (remember that?) have the following report:

• Estimates of high school completion rates tend to be inaccurate, and range from the official 69.9% (2000) to independent estimates of 66.6 to 69% (2000)
• The state with the highest completion rate is Vermont at 88% to the District of Columbia at 48%
• Alabama is at 65.1%, which was lower than 38 other states (including D.C.)

Now, I fully expect my kids to finish high school. But, these statistics are scary. Two thirds of kids in Alabama have something better (?) to do with a measly 2,088 days over the first 18 years of their lives. Sadly, they haven't realized that if they don't spend those 2,088 days in school, the next 23, 725 days of their lives will be spent scraping half eaten shrimp off plates at the Red Lobster. That's what Chris Rock did before he was 'discovered.' Which may be an inspiration to some, but what are the odds that a high school dropout in Alabama is fall off my ass funny?

So, to summarize:

• Kids are dumb
• Kids can't find countries on a map
• I couldn't find a country on a map
• Google Maps is useful
• The SAT people are interested in keeping kids in high school so that they may make more money by administering more SAT exams, although, I guess if the dropout rate remains high, they can recoup some losses by administering the GED to people in their early 20s who are filled with regret and loathing for their minimum wage McFrappe-making job
• Kids in Alabama seem to be dumber than the kids in more than half the other states
• My kids are home too much
• When my kids are home, I spend a lot of time on Google Maps finding Swaziland
• When my kids finish watching TV, I will let them play Where in the World is Carmen San Diego? so they can learn to spell and find Luxembourg
• My kids are home too much