Biological Laws of Chilren

Black and white. Up and down. Tom(eh)to. Tom(ah)to.

Such are my kids. I think part of evolutionary biology should be studying the frequency that siblings are completely different from one another. Many reasons, I suspect ( extremely amateurish and anecdotal "science" to follow):

1. Diversity. If both my kids were total dorks, neither one of them could perpetuate their genetic material. Presumably the dork will attract a dorkette and they will contribute smart nerd genes to the pool. The non-dork might attract a (short) hottie and contribute good looks to the pool.

2. Parental quality. Having children with distinct personalities, polar behavioral tendencies, and requiring completely different discipline methods keeps parents on their toes. Evolution doesn't want you to get lazy and let your second batch of genetic material wind up neglected and unable to cope in the world. We can only hope that there is some health benefit for the parent.

3. Sanity. Perhaps this is the sole health benefit for the parent. If one child enters into a phase of completely irrational, drive you up the wall behavior, the other child generally falls into line. Until he doesn't. Then he's driving you up the wall while the first one moves along without incident. If children somehow synced themselves, then all hell would break out, and parents would be committed at alarming rates.

I announce these non-scientific conclusions based on recent 'spring' cleaning. While I discovered the aforementioned treasures in E's room, I found nothing of the sort in S's.

S's room was much more like him--lacking mystery or a pensive side. It was straightforward, pretty much what you'd expect from a 5 year old boy whose room hasn't been cleaned out for 6 months.

Treasures? No. Contraband. Candy wrappers, lollipop sticks, greasy foil potato chip lunch bags. Even a grotesquely solid sippy cup of milk. (Cringe.)

Well-loved and meaningful books/toys/stuffed animals? No. Legos and Hot Wheels, though well catalogued in the kid's head were stashed, crammed, forgotten under/over/on top of everything else.

Dirty socks? Yes, everywhere. Under the bed, dresser, toys, rug, everywhere.

So different was my experience in both kids' room, that I wandered back into E's room just to confirm that reality. One boy, emotional, sensitive, secretly imbuing objects with meaning and feeling. One boy, straightforward, sneaking that which is forbidden, playing with and promptly forgetting, toys.

While E's bedroom required a special jar of loved things, S's required none. While E's bedroom yielded only a single bag of trash, S's yielded 2. It's not scientific, but it does quantify things a bit.

The most interesting part is which elements of myself I see in each one. Which brings me to evolutionary biology point #4:

4. Murder prevention. If each child retains personality traits or physical resemblance to each parent, each parent is far less likely to strangle that child at any given time.