The Funny One

I'm having myself a morning. Maybe it's because I'm coming off the high of being the center of attention on my birthday. Maybe it's because I'm getting better with age. Maybe it's something besides allergens in the air.
Regardless, I'm feeling pretty good about myself: skinny, charming, sophisticated, popular, and of course, witty. I'm a 10.

Shut up, or you'll ruin it.

Of course, everything out of my mouth is funny so far. Which brings me to a long-standing household debate. Because M and I are competitive, and you know, funny, we have light-hearted discussions about who's the Funny One.
In defense of me:
I find that my funniness is consistent, self-deprecating, has universal appeal, and can go either high- or low- brow. I can exploit all means of funny, including pun, potty, observational, parody, and malicious.
According to Wikipedia, the Authority Of The Universe, 5 basic pillars support the funny in Western culture:

1. Hyperbole--I will make you die laughing.



2. Metaphor--I'm the queen of comedy.



3. Farce--That's what she said.



4. Reframing--my context is better than yours.



5. Timing--the secret to comedy is--ooh, gotta go.

Ergo, I'm funny. To further describe my funniness, I direct you to Rowan Atkinson, also known as the imitable Mr. Bean. Mr. Bean asserts that some one can become funny:

By behaving in an unusual way
By being in an unusual place
By being the wrong size

To whit:
Drunk, Mobile, Alabama, and too short for my weight.

Clearly, by Aristotelian, Plutonian and Dumbonian logic processes, I am funny.

Additionally, I make my friends laugh. While this evidence is largely circumstantial, it helps buttress my claims.

My arguments AGAINST M being the funny one:

1. Sometimes he's not funny


2. He excludes a huge number of topics that he does not consider funny, but clearly are: Seattle Seahawks' Super Bowl Appearances, his driving, the fairness of the American League East, Bruins' quests for Stanley Cup glory, my credit card spending, Science Fiction nerd-dom, skinny arms, anti-depressants' adverse impact on sex drive (mine), the narrowing market for literary fiction. (OK, that's not funny. But it WILL make you laugh)


3. M's humor lacks universal appeal. So that, for example, Alex Trebek's snobby prickishness = funny. My kids accidentally kicking M in the nuts = not funny. But in fact, BOTH are funny.


4. He does not always find me funny. This point clearly calls any sense of humor he claims to have into question. Because clearly, I'm FUNNY.

As I write all this, I realize the word funny, is in itself, funny. You can't say it without smiling.

In any case, as I emerge from my post-birthday euphoria, I thank you all for your endorsement of me as the funny one.

Seriously.