My computer won't let me express the profanities associated with my current post. Apparently, when I type them together in a space-less string of words, blogspot thinks I'm posting a website. The frustration of which generates an entire NEW string of vulgar words.
Have you ever made a mess so gargantuan, so varied in the necessary methods of clean up that profane words cannot describe it?
It's that moment when you look around and realize, "that's it. We're moving."
Or perhaps you want to call your mom? And say in your cutest babyish voice, "uh oh. Fix please."
Sometimes, I make these messes when cleaning out closets. In my zeal, I throw clothes and shoes and miscellany all over the place, and then turn from the closet and behold my room and think, oh, yeah. I have to put all that back.
Today, though, I made a mess that was epic. I will be reeling from this mess for several days to come. Its odor will linger, its stickiness stay, its sharpness protrude from my life for a week. It will stain under my fingernails like mustard after a county fair.
Keep in mind that I am on a diet, and during this time, refraining from thinking about food excessively. I pretend the pantry and the refrigerator aren't really there. They're imagined to be filled with something hideous and gross. They are, as the Hawaiians say, Kapu.
So, this morning, I opened the refrigerator to fetch the gallon jug of the skim milk to make a no sugar protein shake. MMM. Aren't YOU jealous?
As I put the jug back in its cubby in the door, the OTHER cubby, the one that holds 2 jars of olives, a jar of sundried tomatoes in olive oil, a mini milk jar of carrot & ginger salad dressing, 2 jars of jelly, a bottle of soy sauce, and one ONE plastic bottle of salad dressing--that it to say, every glass container in the refrigerator itself--comes free from the door and crashes to the floor with an explosive sound and splash.
It was so quick, and so profound a mess, that I believe I stared at it, openmouthed, for more than a moment.
How does one clean this up? There is oil--greasy, jam--sticky, orange puree--stainy, glass--pointy, and its all spreads from a single epicenter to literally, every corner of my kitchen.
I started with the broom and paper towels, smearing sloshing, and trying to bring everything of the chunky and/or sharp variety to the center. Scooping, pushing, dripping all of that into a trash bag. I filled a bucket with all purpose cleaner/cancercauser and handwashed the floor, pausing to pull out little slivers of glass and throw them away.
The carrot puree is on the cabinets, has stained the grout. I then have to scrub those places. Ow, there's more glass.
In all, nearly an hour.
To clean up a mess.
That started when I wanted.
8 ounces of milk.
To make a shake.
That's disgusting.
Because I can't eat.
Unhealthy oily and sticky foods.
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