Friends don't let friends drive with dinner

I know that it seems that I am picking on people with weight issues when I describe the cruise. But, the thing is, nearly all of us have weight issues. What and who I describe is BEYOND indulging in that extra piece of cheesecake. We're talking people who are so large that you could easily divide them into two healthy sized adults. People who are unable to move about freely, and whose health is suffering tremendously because of their weight. They are truly struggling.
These people eschew the dining room on the ship for, apparently, two reasons. One seems to be that they are physically unable to sit in the anchored-down booths in the dining room. Unlike in restaurants, the furniture is bolted to the deck, and so there is little forgiveness when one slides into the booth. Second, and more obviously, is that the portions in the dining room are rather petite. On the Lido buffet, where I found myself (and my kids) several mornings at unholy hours, I watched people eat several breakfasts at a time. People heaped food upon their trays in portions considered hefty for a rhino. I am talking plates of eggs, stacks of pancakes, and chains of sausage links. One night, I happened into the Lido for a late night coffee, and watched people eating a dinner that only barely resembled the one I had eaten some time earlier. For dinner, I had a salad, a soup, 5 grilled shrimp with a boiled potato. That, in itself, is a largish meal. But then, I caught a glimpse of what the people were eating upstairs: I saw a person with no fewer than 20 shrimp on his plate, along with several slices of ham, and 3 pieces of cake! One woman had rigged her personal mobility device (scooter) with a tray so that she could load up on food while driving through the buffet line.
But, my soon-to-be-classic tale of a scooter happened while reboarding the ship in Key West. A woman in front of us boarded on her candy apple red mobility device. She was chatting with her friend who was walking. The friend laid down their purchases (SHOPPING!) on the X-Ray conveyor belt. Ms. Scooter leaned forward, accidentally depressing the forward button on her scooter with her excess flesh, and drove maniacally into her friend, pinning her against the metal detector archway. Friend, apparently, was okay, although it would have been awkward for her to berate Ms Scooter for running her over, so she could have just been polite about it. The officer in charge if the reboarding process admonished Ms. Scooter to drive more carefully. While the whole thing could have been calamitous, it remained only only slightly alarming because no one went overboard or was hurt.
But, Ms. Audi Scooter and her friend have taught me three valuable dieting lessons: Stop eating when you can no longer be bi-pedal. Two: If you don't listen to lesson one, make sure there is a safety on the accelerator. Three: If your friend is Ms. Scooter, don't walk in front of her.