I have had it. Really, this is it. Done. Finished. I am the cartoon character whose eyes are rolling, lips are babbling, and is carted off after the Bunny finally pushes the poor crazy over the edge. Me. Gone. Padded room.
1. I've given up on the news. CNN World section is filled with things like pandemics, calamitous droughts, genocide and rape. CNN US page is filled with things like abused elephants and whether or not a former CEO (and dude who considers himself a presidential candidate) slept with some woman other than his wife for 13 years.
Perhaps, and I am only guessing here, that if as a country we would nut up and actually look at the REAL news of our world and country, we would be a helluva lot better off. Sure, the news sucks right now. When hasn't it sucked? There has always been famine or Cold War or something. But we didn't used to be such a bunch of babies that we couldn't handle it. Nothing is going to improve, people, unless we approach the real stuff. Not what FOX tells us important (because, honest to God, that's some seriously paranoid batpoop right there), not what CNN tells us important (because, seriously, how does one fill 24 hours of news without putting Anderson Cooper, former hard hitting news not-gay-man, on the Ridiculist?) but what we know in our HEADS are the problems: too few with too much, too many with too little, and no one heeding demands for change. We don't need to pray on these problems, we don't need to distract ourselves with overly involved headlines about a doctor who may or may not have killed a crazy musician. We need to read the FACTS, learn about potential solutions, and then pressure the powers that be to stop blaming each other and fix the problems that led to the FACTS being so effed up.
2. I've given up on parenting. Every morning, I wind up running around the house looking for a belt or a sneaker or a sweatshirt. Every afternoon, I seemingly speak into the wind about putting shoes and belts together by the door with backpacks. Apparently, I am not a good parent. Apparently, nobody is listening. Apparently, I have no purpose.
I am seriously trying to raise little people to be the big people I think all big people should be. And YET, I cannot get the little people to stop using EXPO markers that soak through paper and ruin my floors/desk/kitchen table. How is it that I am not having impact on these little people? Where am I failing? It's not the kitchen table having green EXPO stains on it that really bothers me. (I bought a table expecting it to be ruined). It's that those stinkers (the children, not the pens themselves) DON'T LISTEN!
I'm so frustrated.
3. I've given up on order. Open a closet in my house, prepare to be avalanched. I keep going through stuff, thinking it's orderly, it's been culled, it's not so cluttery, only to lose something else. I bought 2 gift cards from Target for teachers the week before Thanksgiving. I was pretty proud of myself for being on the ball, and not having to run around like a crazy person the last week of school. I remember feeling pretty smug when I put those cards away and said, "Ha! Those cards will be safe here and I will remember where they are and then I will be able to slip them into the Christmas card envelopes and Voila! Presents!"
Pretty self satisfied, eh? If only, for love or money, I could remember where I put them. What the hell? I can't find them anywhere.
It's like banging my head against a wall.
The holidays are upon me. I'm getting that Christmassive anxiety feeling again.
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