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May I please have a personal assistant?  I'm not going to go so far as to say I NEED a personal assistant, but pshew, it'd be nice.

I'm not as busy as a lot of moms, true.  I don't have an "outside the home job."  But, I'm crazier than a lot of moms, and lemme tell you, that leaves a lot of slack to be picked up.

Here is my ad:

NEEDED.  PERSONAL ASST.  SALARY SAME AS BOSS!  HRS FLEXIBLE (ANYTIME, 24/7)

• make phone calls to physicians, utilities, contractors that I'm too neurotic to make
• remind me of my schedule.  Do not be fooled by the fact that I have 2 planners and a wall calendar.  I have no idea what the hell is going on.
• force me to exercise.  I WILL play Bejeweled for hours on end, just to say "I didn't have time today."
• plan meal calendars
• set aside "me" time
• organize paperwork
• make to do lists of reasonable length and content.  None of this "re-line all drawers with scented paper" crap that's never gonna happen
• hide the cookies
• prepare correspondence for regular post.  I'll dictate, your handwriting is neater
• schedule nap times, screen calls during naps, maximize my nap efficiency
• remind family members of any upcoming responsibility so they complain to you
• deal with unwanted interactions
• refill my meds

All other errands and responsibilities will be gladly handled by me, your empathetic boss.  I will cook your planned meals, chauffeur to appropriate activities, and do all housework.  I require excellent time management skills.  Forceful, but kind personality required.  Smart asses need not apply.