It's Not Like PreSchool on TV

Ok. Something scary happened to me yesterday. I woke up exceptionally sore from Thursday's work in the garden, which turned out beautiful, by the way:

Hooray! No more weeds. Anywhoosles, I drove the kids to school, washed the car, got Sam dressed, and let him watch the first fifteen minutes of The Wonder Pets. I took him to school, came home, cleaned up, did some laundry, and got ready to shower. I went upstairs, and plopped myself down on the bed to file off a torn fingernail. Filing away, I absently watched Ni-Hao, Kai Lan, which was on Noggin. Here's the scary part--after I finished with my fingers, I sat there and watched the end of the episode. Alone in my room. And wait for it, I had SEEN the episode BEFORE.

So that is frightening, right? Not as scary as if I had actually enjoyed it. But, still. Little Rintoo was not feeling special. I started wondering if I make my kids feel special. And then I was wondering if telling a kid he's special is the same as making him feel special. And then some rhinoceros with a balloon was on the screen, and I was lost. All kinds of big-headed, talking animals populate that show. And Kai Lan has the maturity of a grandma inside a doe-eyed, smartly dressed 3 year old. Then, I was wondering if shows like Kai Lan promote and embrace diversity as much as they purport to. And then, I thought, yes, they probably do: My kids really enjoy Diego and Dora and have learned some Spanish words, and learned about quincineras, and a compassion for animals. And that's diverse, right?

And then I started wondering about Yo! Gabba Gabba! and what blackmail or indiscretion went on to get that show on the air. There is a cycloptic phallus (I wish were joking), a pink thing, a robot, and a green poof. With names like Tofu, Beepob and Solee. There is our host, Lance, a flamboyant guy with a bearskin cap like the guards at Buckingham Palace, only his is yellow, and he wears fake glasses. And a shiny jumpsuit. And we all know why men should not wear jumpsuits. Especially shiny ones.

Even my kids think that show is stupid. How could the same network with Little Bear and its sedate music, and charming stories produce Yo! Gabba Gabba! I mean sure, Little Bear is a little Eurocentric. What with the Victorian costuming, and the nuclear family, and the single bear-family income and conventional maternal role of housekeeping. BUT! I propose that a dancing phallus, a yellow (horribly puppetted) robot and friends who are always screaming at me, who change scenes every fifteen seconds, and have no continuity or transition cannot be good for any child. Do these negative aspects make up for a positive black gay role model? I don't think so. Its messages of diversity and uniqueness are good. The messengers need to be beaten with their own costumes.

Does every show have to have a message? Can't we just entertain ourselves if we watch TV in moderation? I loathe that woman at the beginning of every Noggin show. "This show promotes self awareness, phonics awareness, numeral awareness, animation awareness, and after your child watches it, s/he will be ready for college." If we don't treat Noggin like "preschool on TV" and only watch, say one show per day, does it really HAVE to be a meaningful half hour? Can't it just be a fun half hour?

So, I turn to the Backyardigans. I love the Backyardigans. Pablo, Uniqua, Tyrone, and Tasha play outside with fantastic imaginations, and very little squabbling. They teach us things about the past without being didactic, they have no parental struggles, they are happy in their charming backyards, and have without a doubt, the best lyrics and music of any children's show. There's the memorable number about Pirattitude, or when the Viking-yardigans get stuck in maelstrom and have to hold on tight with all of their Viking-might. Or when they go to ancient Japan and ninjas try to steal their Samurai Pie. Or their terrific rock opera set in medieval times. Or the very entertaining James Bond Super Spy episode (Agent Pablo likes his juice boxes shaken, not stirred). They're great. I love them. Why are there so few episodes? I would not be embarrassed to be found watching them alone. And singing along. Maybe.