Hair raising defense

Many of you are leaping to the defense of the dog, who has been described as hideous, pathetic, and naked. I would like to take this opportunity to outline our actions and to assure the Clooney-protecting public that his hair, like all hair, WILL GROW BACK.

First. Clooney chewed a purple ball point pen a few weeks ago. There was ink on his face, his chin, his chest, his forelegs and all over his front paws. In fact, there were little pinkish paw prints all over my bathroom. Honestly, I was having a hard time waiting for that to grow out. I am not sure what I will do when Ethan comes home with purple hair, but I will cross that (horrifying) adolescent bridge when we come to it.

Second. Clooney missed his bi-monthly groom because we were in Montreal. At the kennel, they give him a bath, but not a very good comb-out. His hair was very matted under his armpits, where they stuck his stupid ponytail, and wherever he could lick it. I REALLY didn't want to go through all that hair, cutting out mats. It's a hairy, itchy mess.

Third. It's hot out. And, granted he's not an outside dog, but he goes out for walks and sits by the pool, and I don't want him to suffer. Sure, suffering for a dog that includes lounging by the pool with a big bowl of water, but still. It's more comfortable without the rug.

So. I get it. Clooney looks like a cross between a Bush Baby and a squirrel. He's pathetic. Even Optimistic TC suggested the poor mutt looks like Carol Channing. All true. Even the dog seems aware of his revealing state, and looks as though he would do the cartoon crotch cover up if he could. With this haircut, he is 93% head and tail. He looks like we ran across him with a lawnmower. He's nude and ratlike. All true. Maybe we should get him one of those bodily injury lawyers on the back of the yellow pages. Maybe his canine friends think he's having a Britney Spears-inspired breakdown.

I do feel a little bad for the pooch. But, then again, he's clean, he smells good, and his fur is completely under control. It'll be back. I promise.