Life with a Teenage Daughter

How is it that I gave birth to two sons, and now have one son and a teenage daughter? And not just any teen daughter or a well-mannered and sensible one from the Walton family, but Kelly Bundy from Married With Children. E has mastered the fine art of tilting his head and saying nuh-uh with that slight Valley Girl twang that makes you want to wring his neck. He also has this eye roll that he breaks out the moment you ask him to do something. As though he is the Queen of England and you have asked him to dust the crown jewels. As if.
E has also been spending the last week of Spring Break (he missed a week of school, and has this week off. In effect, a 2 week break as an extra little treat in my life) in his room, choreographing with Fosse-like precision what I can only imagine is a bio-musical of his semi-tragic life.
I know it seems that I am coming down hard on young E. But, his behavior of late has been a series of small defiances, smart-alec comments, and snarkiness with his brother that is slowly driving me insane.
We tried to practice T-Ball this weekend in the park. Priscilla ran from the ball in fear, and then insisted that we not make him practice fielding because it isn't fun. Nevermind that in his entire T-Ball career has he actually made a single play. Of course, given E's genetics, and my total indifference towards childhood sports, I don't expect him to be Derek Jeter out on the field, I only wish he would a) try his hardest b) be unafraid of a ball that will not hurt him c) practice without crying.
I have never seen a kid cry as much as E. I tousled his hair yesterday and he cried. I made chicken for dinner and he cried. I didn't melt the cheese on his ham and cheese and he cried. M took him on a walk around the neighborhood and HE CRIED.
Waah. OMG, mom. I mean, what if I miss a text while you are making me enjoy the fresh air and have a nice walk? Totally.
I have only slight comfort this week. S goes back to school, so I can deal one on one with Nancy. He asked if we could go get sushi today for lunch, so we will do that. I am sure he is on a low-carb diet or something. Hopefully, with a little extra doting from his parents this week, his attitude will turn around. If not, we're in for a long 12 years.