A brief anatomy lesson

By and large, I have taught my children facts. The true kind. I haven't sugar coated too much, or fibbed or fudged. I mostly explain their world in their vocabulary in the most straightforward way possible. Example: Boys have penises. Girls do not. However, everyone pees and poops.



Here in Mobile, more so than in other places, parents use nonsense and euphemisms to describe their children's worlds. Such that: Boys have wee wees, girls do not. However, everyone tee tees and potties.
I'm a big grammar aficionado, however it is difficult to determine just how letters and nouns became verbs and pronouns came to represent nouns to which they are unrelated. It's all very confusing.

But, since we live here, I have discouraged the kids from shouting penis. So, the word for genitalia in daily usage (and because we have boys, there is ALWAYS a daily usage) has become tenders. While I am no expert, it seems as though the name seems apt, as men's genitalia do seem pretty tender, and also, it's nicer than nuts or whatever.

So, "MOM! He hit me in the tenders!" or "MOM! I fell on my bike and hurt my tenders!" or "MOM! Don't look at my tenders!" (The last invariably as the speaker is standing on his head nude in the kitchen while I'm making dinner.)

Now, to move the story forward, the only thing that preschool boys are obsessed with more than their tenders is junk food. And since their birth, the boys have eaten nothing but macaroni and cheese, peanut butter and jelly, and chicken nuggets. Thank you, by the way, to Ronald MacDonald who coined the vague term nugget for the equally vague ingredients of whatever goes in a chicken 'food product.' Now, all unidentifiable fried chicken bits are universally known as nuggets.

Except at this one restaurant. That called them chicken tenders. It said it right on the menu, "chicken tenders." And I made the mistake of failing to translate "tender" into "nugget" for S.

You see where this is going, right?

"So, do you want the hot dog, the macaroni, or the chicken tenders?"
*Snicker* *Snort* "Tenders. Heh heh."

"Chicken NUGGETS. Do you want the chicken nuggets?"

"Are chicken nuggets REALLY chickens' tenders?"

"No. They're part of the chickens' breast meat."
"BREAST?!? Heheh."
"No, dopey. Breast meat is muscle. Like this part on you." *poke*

"Have you ever seen a chicken's tenders?"
"No. Have YOU ever seen a chicken's NUGGETS? No. They're different words for the same piece of cut up chicken meat. Do you want the chicken nuggets or not?"

"Fine. Chicken nuggets."

"An excellent choice."

I am quiet for a moment, wondering if I should resuscitate this now defunct subject. I decide to just lob one out there for him:

"By the way. Only roosters have tenders."