Let's do THAT again

You know how when you watch something weird on TV, you think, "that's weird. Why would any one spend their time on that? Like rhythmic gymnastics? Or synchronised swimming? OK. The effect is cool, but wtf?"

Those women spent hours in sequined, ride-up swimsuits with noseplugs and swimcaps so they could tread water at the same time? Wha?

This is how I feel about family vacations. We spent hours planning, cajoling, begging, bribing, rewarding, so we could take the kids to see stuff we hope they'll like/learn from/enjoy. Wha?

The trip to New York began with hours on the Internet and Google Maps. How far from here to here? How long can we spend there? What is the rating for this attraction? Is this age appropriate? Is this too far to walk? M spent time poring over the subway map. Which train? Which transfer? How long to get there? Yankees tickets or Mets? Afternoon or evening? Weather forecast? Seat map? Seat costs? Subway? Cab?

Suicide or Homicide? Both?


While, from an objective point of view, my kids were well behaved on the entire trip, the amount of energy required to generate that result was completely ridiculous. In the same way humans can tread water without sequined suits and lipstick, can't children just enjoy zoos and restaurants and cool museums? Why did we need to rehearse, explain, map out, and BEG (LITERALLY BEG!?!) for cooperation?

Would I, on my own have gone to see the Museum of Natural History? (Well, subtract for the moment that would I, on my own, have gone to NYC?) No. Would I have gone to the petri dish of a hands-on technology center? No. Would I have gone to places that guaranteed hot dog/chicken fingers/ mac and cheese on the menu? No. Can my kids appreciate that while this trip is a family endeavor, it also represents a great deal of sacrifice on the part of the parents?

Hell, no.

So, here M and I are. In our sparkly leotards, dragging a foil ribbon on a stick behind us. Practicing a somersaults. Twirling, spinning, dancing like little gymnasts. Trying desperately to entertain our children and open their eyes to the world.

And they're too busy punching each other's nuts in the hotel room to notice.