A pain in the neck

I just made a great phone call: I called the hair salon to make an appointment. Availability starts next week. "What time would you like?"

ANY TIME IS GOOD.

Ah. True. I get goosebumps when I say that. And while I am certainly psyched that the kids will be in school from, read it and envy: 8:15 to 3:15, I of course have ambivalence about their departure.

Not that this has been the most amazing summer ever, or anything. The kids have fought like cats and dogs. They have whined, argued, and made road trip travel hellish. But, they have also had MOMENTS of sweetness and cuteness, and overall, I like my kids' company well enough. This is a new school, and new school has with it all those stresses. And I just hope that they're happy there.

They're ambivalent, as well. S is worried that he isn't smart enough to go to a magnet school. Or that he won't have time to play Legos after school. E is worried he won't make new friends. Their ambivalence, of course, heightens mine. But mine is in some degree of control. I have decided to just let go this week, let them have this last unmitigated joy of summer, and then I can really feel as though it's time to buckle down and enjoy school.

The most glaring evidence of their anxiety is the number of people in my bed at night: it's like a parade. I put each child in his own bed last night. (I'm SURE of it.) At my bedtime, both children were in S's bed. By midnight, S was in my bed and E was in S's bed. By 2 AM, S was on the floor with Clooney and E was in my bed. At 2, I put everyone back. At 4:30, S was back in my bed, and by 5, was up for the day.

I have a terrible crick in my neck, as I was driven off my pillow by the invading hordes. S has never been a good sleeper, but now can only sleep if there's a human pillow next to/under/perpendicular/somehow adjacent to him. That's not comfy at all for the human pillow. And E is like a radiant heat source, and is faaaaar to big to fit in the bed comfortably with us now.

And yet, I hate to be hard on them. Clearly, this disruption is one of two things:

1. Anxiety about returning to school. They are regressing and anxious, and while they can't verbalize this stress, they are expressing it through needy behaviors and attention-seeking.

2. Like everything else in the world, this is my mother's fault. She spoiled them while we were in California and let them both sleep with her while my dad slept on the couch. Because laying on the bed, late at night, eating bon bons and watching Ace of Cakes is really what grandma's house is all about. And that's cool. I used to lay in bed with my grandma, eat popcorn, and watch The Love Boat. I get that. And yet...

Regardless of the cause, the kids are still all up in my sleeping paradise. After 2 weeks' vacation, in hotels and my parents' guest bedroom, I am ecstatic to be back in my own Tempurpedic Eden, and there are the invading hordes.

So, do I...
...get medieval on their butts and send them back to their beds the moment they cross my threshold?
...ignore and hope this goes away, suffering through cricks and heat stroke?
...offer to cuddle them in their own beds for a while, and then return to my own?
...try to talk to them about their anxiety/ask why they are ruining my sleep?

I need a 900 number to call for advice:
"If your child is making you insane, press 1."
"If your children are fighting constantly, press 2."
"If your children are failing school, press 3."
"If your husband AND children are conspiring against you, press 4."

God, I hate waiting through the whole automated menu:

"If your child eats too much/too little, press 5."
"If your child turns into a TV zombie, press 6."
"If your child hangs out with the wrong crowd, press 7."
"If your child's face froze like that, press 8."
"If your child doesn't sleep, press 9."

There it is.

"If your child has been abducted, and you think you're going to just wait it out, because surely no one would voluntarily steal and then willingly keep YOUR brat, go ahead and hang up and call 911."

The hotline would be swamped.