When Mother Nature calls

First, I'd like to attribute my absence to something interesting or dramatic. But, mostly the reason is lame: it's hard to be funny or creative when it's hot and my baby went off to kindergarten, and I have a cold. Poor me.

On the other hand, now that the boys are liking school, I am feeling funny and creative again. Laugh, dammit.

Recently, M and I have been discussing the vehicle situation. His car, at 11 years of age, is ready to be sent to the bullpen for back up use. It is going to be used in middle relief for his dad when he comes for the winter. M is going to be using my car for the winter since a) it's leased, and could use fewer miles b) I like new getting new cars. Let's be honest, it's mostly b.

In our effort to reduce costs, reduce our carbon footprint, and set a good example for our children, we have been looking at smaller vehicles. Jetta Sportswagon (oooh. It has sport in the name, it must be zippy!)

However, this last week of carpool has me changing my mind. For example, if I want to pick up 2 kids (a pair of friends' siblings, maybe, or a friend for each boy), I couldn't do it. And more important, if carpool continues to involve ME waiting on the street for an hour before school lets out, I don't want a small carbon footprint. I want comfort!

I want to watch TV, take a nap, snack, maybe play solitaire, listen to music, organize my photos, really anything that will keep that hour from being a galactic waste of my life:

Yah, that's more like it. I could stretch out, snooze. Catch up on some DVD watching. Maybe check in on Oprah. Much more luxurious.

But, today, I was in carpool line and had a different thought. What I REALLY needed at that point was luxury of an altogether different variety:

So, I have proposed to M a different type of utility vehicle, I'm setting a new trend in mom-mobiles. I say screw carbon footprint, screw less-is-more, screw the planet. There are some certain necessities I should have while sacrificing my time for my children. I should be able to utilize that wasted carpool hour to live life to the fullest.

I mean look at this, I can enjoy a fake fire on rainy days, check out my widescreen tv, have some wine, start dinner, enjoy the view, whatever. I mean, hell, I could VACUUM if I were so inclined. My friends and I can visit, let their babies play on the floor. THIS is the vehicle of the future for moms of the USA. No more stinky gyms to wait in, no more cramped waiting rooms at doctor's offices, no more unpleasantness, no more coolers to store groceries while you run other errands--use the fridge! Schlep your kids in luxury. One child can do homework at the table while the other finishes piano lessons. Prepare dinner while watching a live HD feed of TBall practice. The versatilty, the convenience.

I'm sold. Look for me around town. Honk and wave. I'll be in the cockpit of this bad boy:

Parking could be a bitch, but it's totally worth it.