Cher, Elton John and Other Divas

I get it. Celine Dion, Cher and Beyonce are required to change outfits every time they reappear on stage during a performance. Poufy hair, straight hair, wig hair. Different mood, different image. It's Hollywood.
My question is, why does my E have to change clothes 14 times in the morning before school? I'm no fool: we lay out clothes every night. Right down to underwear and socks. And then this morning, he comes traipsing down the stairs in a bright blue stripe shirt with green and brown plaid shorts. What is this assault on my eyeballs? It's too early in the morning for him to be wearing clothes that make me dizzy. For SURE, that is not what I laid out with him last night.
He thought it was cool. But today is a school day. He doesn't need to look like a GQ model. He just needs to not look like an Escher painting. For chapel, I don't require he dress fancy. I require only a collared shirt. Shorts are even ok when you're five. But he can easily go the extra step and wear a polo-style shirt. (With or without pony on it)
First comes the Transformer Tee, on backwards. "I'll wear it backwards to chapel and then turn it around." I point my finger back to the bedroom.
Then a completely over the top black and white striped long sleeve polo shirt with a giant golden Ralph Lauren seal on it (not my purchase). With brown and green plaid skate shorts. Finger again.
Next down the runway we have a lovely Hanes white undershirt. Finger.
FINALLY, he makes his way down the stairs in a navy collared short sleeve shirt. No pony. No festoon. No freaking stripes. It looks good. You know why?
IT'S WHAT WE PICKED OUT TO WEAR LAST NIGHT!!!!!
By now, 12 minutes have elapsed, and we are frantically slamming on shoes, slicking down Alfalfa hairs, and slurping down cereal. The backpack I have prepared for him and left on the bottom step is missing. Ah, he took it upstairs. Why? Shoes untied, socks on crooked, teeth half-brushed, cereal bowl left on the table, frantic departure. Completely unnecessary.
Finally, he is off. I go into his room, and it looks like robbers have tossed his dresser.
I should get his autograph now before he forgets the little people.