Olympic Events

Just in case you thought the Olympics were over...they still happen daily at my house. Though we don't give out medals. Maybe that should change.
Getting out the door in the morning is like a new heptathlon. Five events only the most finely tuned Olympians can master. My sister, an elite athlete, would never be able to even place in these events. I scoff at her muscular body, her supreme coordination. She is no mother.
Event 1 Synchronised dressing: Everyone must be dressed appropriately and finish at the same time. This requires extreme patience, and substantial lung control so as not to burst into screaming fits. Clothes should be on in the right position (i.e., not everted or backwards). Clothes should be appropriate to the season (no sweatpants or long sleeves) and to the occasion (today is picture day). This requires ironing (only of shirt to be photographed) and grooming. Points to be awarded for timeliness, finished product,lack of violence, and number of attempts.
Event 2 Gymnastics: Must be able to juggle book bags, handbags, extra clothes, travel coffee mug, travel juice box, date book, and any other last minute additions. Includes skill movements such as holding open storm door with foot and car door with butt. Points to be awarded for: no injuries, falls or other deductions, coordination, grace, and fluidity of movement.
Event 3 Weight Lifting: Must be able to balance and carry 35 pound toddler, giant book bag, overflowing laundry basket, dog. Not all weights must be carried together, but significant strength must be proven. No dropping.
Event 4 Ping Pong: Information will be ricocheting around the house. One must absorb, process, and respond to any information required. This includes, but is not limited to, homework locations, book bag locations, who's on first, when various household members will be home, and after school schedules. Standing WAY back from the ping pong table helps to keep everything in front of you.
Event 5 Marathon: After the car is loaded in Event #3, and all information is processed in Event #4, then the Marathon begins. This event is particularly dangerous for competitors. Injuries can happen, articles can be forgotten, and routes can change without notice. Today's Marathon began at home, went to the neighbor's house for carpool pick-up, continued to school, then to Kindermusik, to the preschool, then back to school to deliver school picture check (forgotten in gymnastics event), to the grocery store, and finally back home again. The Marathon will continue this afternoon with preschool pickup, after-school activities and possibly dinner. I sustained the rare butt injury when mine became embedded into the driver's seat of the car. I'll rehab that tonight at cocktail hour.
We placed poorly today, due to failed communication in the ping pong event, forgotten articles during gymnastics, and cursing during synchronised dressing. I plan to use the three day weekend to train for next week. I wonder what Bela Karolyi is doing these days. We may need to pull him out of retirement.
Remember: noaa.gov Keep your fingers crossed!