This is the Question

Ambivalence is a big thing in my life. Sort of. I mean, I have never been perfectly happy with any decision in my entire life. Has anyone?
Not that I am not happy; I am. Many series of near-misses, and mostly satisfieds have led me to a place where I am happy. I love my children, my husband, my home, my city, my life. Mostly. I always second guess, though. The what-ifs nose in.
When my first son was born, I actually told my husband that we could leave the infant at the fire station. When my second son was born, I was sure it was the worst mistake ever. When I find myself lying next to my snoring husband, I wonder if that is what I had bargained for. I am ambivalent about my E's going to Kindergarten (he's so ready; he's still my baby). About S going to preschool every day (he really does well there; am I pushing him away?) I feel that way about Clooney now, too (cute canine, more responsibility.) Is there anything I am sure about? Is there any feeling of which I don't feel the flip side?
I wonder if there is some self help guru out there who would help me channel my mixed feelings into a single emotion. Is ambivalence enlightenment? Am I more "self aware" because I can connect with both sides of single emotion? Or is it neurosis--a way to constantly rehash and revisit decisions? Surprising no one, I am not sure.
So, I have a dog now. The dog is sweet and has proven himself to be a quick learner. We are moving forward in his housebreaking and he seems to be a quiet, unobtrusive member of the family (that is for sure a change!) On the other hand, I am enlisting in years more of responsibility, of finding petsitters and groomers and vet appointments at a time in my life when I was emerging from all those similar responsibilities of infancy and toddler-hood. Hmm. I am not sure. And poor Clooney must think he belongs to Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde. I am often cuddly attentive. Other times, I am just this side of icy.
The only thing for certain is that a Danish Prince obsessed over decisions less than I.