Christmas in a Catalog

Some of my posts lately have been nostalgic remembrances of holidays past. Yesterday, in email exchange with my moms group, we were talking about Christmas trees. I was reminiscing about my grandmother's tree. We used to have Christmas Eve dinner at her house. The tree was always a stumpy little thing that was flocked to within an inch of its life. She hung these globe ornaments on it in clusters. They were the a specific 1970s shade of gold (mostly orangish-yellowish brass?) and were joined on the overly white tree by balls of plastic fruit with glitter on them. There were some feathered birds wired to the branches, and the now-retro colored lights. Usually one or a series of 3 blinked randomly. It was not what you would call elegant. But it was reliable. Every year, you could hunt out the crocheted angels with their kind of psychotically scary doll faces on them. You knew that the tree topper was a glittery thing that was invariably slightly askew. My sister and I would troop into Grandma's house on Christmas Eve Day, clad in some itchy wool thing that my other Grandma had made for us. Something we would not appreciate until years later. Dad would come in behind us, laden like a Bethlehem mule with presents. We would bound into Grandma's house and it would smell like ham and Christmas pine (how did the smell escape from under that fake snow?) and yams and rolls and Grandma would be dressed up and drinking un-spiked eggnog. It was noisy and wonderful. We used to serve devilled eggs to my Uncle who would protest that he couldn't eat another, and then grab three more. My dad would make Manhattans and cocktails for everyone. My sister and I would sit on Grandma's green shag carpet by the tree and speculate on the gifts. Christmas couldn't be any other way.
But lately, I have been browsing catalogs (my book club) that get mailed to me in the dozens, and came upon a catalog called Frontgate ( http://www.frontgate.com/ ) whose slogan is "Outfitting America's Finest Homes." They have a variety of fake trees that are incredibly expensive. They also boast collections of ornaments so that your tree can have that 'decorator' look. The names of the collections kill me-- Aspen Summit, Villa, Lafayette-- each highlighting some quality that the owners of America's Finest Homes desire: earthy hues, stunning details, blah blah blah. You can also choose to order the whole shebang (they suggest you might desire more than one themed tree in your house for entertaining). A prelit tree can run you as much as a grand. But, you know. You can never spend too much on your fake tree. You can also purchase "the scene" The instructions: Shop our designer collections of color-coordinated outdoor Christmas decor in just 3 easy steps--Select the look you like, Choose your furnishings and accents, Click to add to cart.
Really? You can't beat Christmas in three easy steps!
Regardless, it appears that no one who owns America's Finest Homes is Jewish: Under Hanukkah decorations, there is a single listing. It is a jeweled menorah ORNAMENT. For the bargain price of $350.
Maybe Christmas memories are better than actual Christmases. Maybe if Grandma had designer flocking...